rants

A Parody of Jerusalem

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

A Parody of Jerusalem
So, Uh - ya gotta know the original to appreciate this at all.



The Ballad of Dan Bern



By Chris Chandler



When I tell you that I 'm hungry don't test the fact,



Accept the fact,



And maybe I won't eat all that much.





Don't ask what I'm gonna eat tonight,



Unless you're the waitress.



Just stay a while,



Order for your self for once.







And if you must put lunch in a box make sure it's a big box,



With lots of tables,



Maybe a bathroom,



And lots of go bags,



So we can stash stash stash everything that we don't eat,



and watch the bus boy get really nervous.



I'd like that.



All the great cooks came to my table,



They said,  "Do ya wanna be a great cook too?"



I said, "Oh yes very much,



But I think my Thyme is wrong."



They said, "Parsley Sage and Rosemary, or did ya misread Garfunkle?"



I said, "Do ya really mean it?"



They said, "What-a ya think we come here for some God-damned health food or something?"







Everybody's waiting on the waitress.

Table two is waiting,

Also the counter,

Even the mezzanine,



It's like everybody's waiting, I know how I hate to wait. Like even for dessert or something, an after dinner drink, even the check, sometimes.



So I can just imagine how darned impatient everybody must be getting

so I think it's time now, time to reveal myself,



I am the manager,



I am the manager.



Yes I think you heard me right.





was gonna wait till next shift,



Build up the suspense a little,



And now that I've told you,



I feel this great weight lifted,



Mr. Nusbaum was right.  He's the supervisor.  He said, "Let's stay open"





I spent ten whole days at Red Lobster,

sweet red lobster.  

Ate nothing but pop corn shrimp

ummmm pop corn shrimp,

all you can eat pop corn shrimp.  



It was a good ten days.  



I like pop corn shrimp.



I'd like a menu too.





So when I tell you that I'm hungry don't test the fact, accept the fact



And maybe I won't eat all that much

updated 8 years ago