Evil



Evil (is boring)

© chandler/rockstroh







Come gather round me people I would like to talk to you about something that we all have in common.



Yes, my friends I would like to talk to you about evil



Now let's get one thing straight here from the very start that evil is not what you are thinking.  Evil is boring.



Evil does not cause prepubescent girls' heads to spin around and levitate household furniture and appliances.  Evil causes you to want to own those household appliances in the first place.



Evil is when you're at a party.  And you're eyein' some beautiful some someone, and some beautiful some some one is eyeing you.  So, you go to make your way over to that beautiful some someone, when some schmuck comes up to you and starts talking to you about automobile insurance - and you find yourself interested in that conversation.  You, my friend, have embraced ...evil.



Evil does not come flying out of hell wearing leathery wings, bearing some Faustian bargain.  Evil comes in the form of some insipid gameshow host - Evil is behind door number one.



Evil does not have claws or talons. Evil wears press on nails.

Evil does not have cloven feet or a hairy satyr back.  Evil  is the hair club for men.  "I am not just the president, I am the very embodiment, of evil."



Compulsive complacency

excited by insipidity

possessed by normality

the demons of normality

the demons of normality.



Plagued by the pedestrian

I've been to hell and back again

I'm wearin the devil's cardigan

I'm wearin the devil's cardigan



Evil, does not cause adolescents to form rock n roll death cults while they're in they're acne prone years

Evil comes in the form of the PTA which forms dress codes.  Afterall, what could be more evil than to tell a teen-ager to dress like he is middle aged.



Evil does not speak to you through a ouja board evil speaks to you through trivial pursuit.



Afterall, Evil is boring and bored games are called that for a reason.



The devil wants you to be bored.

the devil wants you to be boring.

The devil wants you to sit at home, frozen in a Stygian Lazyboy - channel surfing - through the 50 circles of hell.  Floating in remote control limbo, slouching ever-towards 1 900 numbers, infomercials, the national anthem until your whole body turns to nothing ...but  ...static.



But there is hope.  Because, if the devil is the lord of the bored than then shall be redemption in...

...the ridiculous.



So, if you are the kind of person that would read a book like this, as if it were poetry - than you shall be canonized as a saint.

updated: 11 years ago