Chris Chandler's  Muse and Whirled Retort  November 2006

November 6, 2006

Volume VIII Issue ii

T.A.B.L.E. .O.F. .C.O.N.T.E.N.T.S.


1. Subscription stuff
2. Brand new stuff for November
3. How to get stuff
4. Greetings and quick run down of recent past and the near future
5. The Muse and Whirled Retort
6. Announcements
7. "Thank You!"
8. Dates


1. To subscribe (I ONLY BOTHER YOU ONCE A MONTH) click:

To unsubscribe reply with unsubscribe in the subject line.


BRAND NEW 11/2006:



We are in the studio all month - and this is the best CD to date!

Another Double CD with fabulous special guests and bonus features and of
course includes all the new material from the past year or so as well as
a few unrecorded  "most requested favorites!"

We could use your help making this CD.

Being in the studio is expensive and every hour we are in the studio is
one we aren't at your favorite neighborhood bar making a nickel.

If you would like to order an advance copy it would sure help a lot:

If you are feelin good this month and would like to contribute to the
recording efforts a donation of a hundred dollars will get you in the
liner notes!


1. Check out a new video and includes my first attempt at antimation!


Sofas and #2 Pencils

While you are there - add me as a friend to Myspace at:

(I had to do it!)

2. View The Chris Chandler and David Roe Show's Electronic Press Kit at
Sonic Bids



2. H.O.W. .T.O. .G.E.T. .S.T.U.F.F.


American Storyteller the DVD is NOW at CD Baby

CD Baby now has copies of three earlier releases!

Convenience Store Troubadours:

Features Samantha Parton of the Be Good Tonyas, David Rovics, Oliver
Steck, Dan Bern, Hammel on Trial


Features Peter Yarrow of Peter Paul and Mary, Dar Williams, Ellis Paul,
Martin Sexton, Dan Bern and many many more!

Hell Toupee

This is THE album featuring the band The Convenience Store Troubadours:
Laura Freeman, Frankie Hernandez and Chan Austinson - a very cool album.

What a Christmas Gift that would make huh?

Enough of the crass commercial announcements. Lets get to the news.


3. Welcome to the news letter - It's that time of the month again...
EVERYBODY VOTE TOMMOROW. And don't play that cop out "it only
encourages them."

None of this, "what good does it do." BS that you and I both know is an
excuse because you are lazy. If you really feel that way - Go to the
poll. And cast a blank ballot.

Biggest news this month:

The good news is - we are taking this time off to make a new record.
American Storyteller Vols III and IV. If you have any requests please
let us know. Also, if you would like to help us by buying an advance
copy of the CD just click here, make sure you put your address and well
see to it you get a copy as soon as the ink on the cover is dry: Get your


Also, If you would like to help us - especially since we are not on the
road making money and are instead spending money to make this CD

A contribution of $100 will get you listed in the liner notes! WOO HOO.
OH, we accept anonymous donations as well in our Tip Jar:


Second biggest news:

We are booking a tour across the country and we need you help. Check the
dates for details.


4. And now...

T.H.E. .M.U.S.E. .A.N.D. .W.H.I.R.L.E.D. .R.E.T.O.R.T.

The Muse and Whirled Retort
November, 2006
Volume VIII Issue ii
Washington, DC

This is an amalgum of an old piece by Phil Rockstroh and myself and an essay by Phil. I recommend
you check out this and any of the fine essays
by Phil Rockstroh. CLICK Here

So here it is:

I thought we had left the 70s well behind
but here I am stuck in another gas line

I pulled out and wouldn't ya know
I rear ended a 1973 cricket green pinto

And I felt the 70s grip even tighter -
As that car went up like a disposable lighter

It blew apart as it did explode
And an 8 track tape hurled through the air,
crashed through my windshield and lodged in my frontal lobe

And 70s and the present began to merge
as I heard myself singing these words:

I ain't gon bump no more with no big fat woman

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?

I ain't gon bump no more with no big fat woman

I'm a get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.

Shake Shake shake, Shake Shake shake

My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps

She's a brick house

An unpopular war drags on, gas prices rise and rise, as a cloud of scandal gathers over Washington

Sound familiar?

At times, it seems as though the 1970s never ended. Perhaps we really did sleep through the 80s &
90s after taking a dose of Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton's Quaalude-laced, faux populist snake

And now we're awakening, hungover, groggy, still in the midst of that ugly and odious era.

At least that's the encrypted message I've been able to decipher, using my Super-Secret, Decoder
Mood Ring, special limited, Karl Rove edition. George W. Bush and Karl Rove are as much products of
the 1970s as Herpes Simplex Retrovirus.

Historically, the world will regard The Bush Administration as the Dacron Polyester of American
presidencies: nothing more than the Pet Rock of the American plutocratic class.

Do a little dance Make a little love
a little muskrat love

May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

lets do the time warp again

Ooops I did it again

wake me up when September ends

Being intelligent these days is like being sexually active in the 1950's

Rove, Rumsfeld, Cheney - these ruthless men are all Nixon's progeny. They all got away scot-free.
In fact, they prospered in the cynical post-Watergate era as they continue to perpetrate their
crimes right up
to the present time. But, it is we, the American public, who conjured these psychopaths with our
ceaseless incantations of denial.

Even after Nixon was exiled to San Clemente and we took up the mantra "... Let's move on ... Our
long national nightmare is over," We Americans clung to the self-deception that we were mere
bystanders to
the crimes of Vietnam and Watergate, otherwise a million Vietnamese corpses would have risen
accusingly in our dreams -- as hundreds of thousands of Iraqi dead would haunt our sleep tonight.

We, Baby-Boomer teenagers, were primed for proto-fascism by our constant denial and need for
escape. We were not the progeny of The Woodstock Nation, as the authoritarian types of the era had
feared. We didn't use drugs to expand our awareness nor as acts of social or political rebellion -
rather we used them as apolitical agents of anesthetization.
From our pinball machine distractions, to our muscle car imperialism, to the
self-proclaimed-edginess of the so-called FM radio revolution (that was, in reality, the advent of corporate rock).

Just as we call ourselves hip and trendy on Rupert Murdoch's Myspace.

So ya wanna be a rock and roll star? Listen now to what I say

Hey now, you're an All Star get your game on, get played
Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on, get paid

The band is just fantastic that is really what we think and Oh, by the
way, Which one is pink?

I'm comin' up so you better get this party started.

As the years trundled on, our customized vans shag carpet chrome plated chain link steering wheel
and quadraphonic sound system would become Mini Vans with its self ejecting cup holder, GPS
tracking and an XM satellite radio playing the same songs we played on our 8 Track.
The accouterments of Imperial power have grown so large in direct proportion to the degree our
individual visions have been rendered so small and corrupt.

The United States was transformed from a republic, conceived to be governed by way of democratic
discourse, into a center devoid archipelago of shopping malls, bereft of a public square. An
internalized McMansion has supplanted the towering glory of our internal Sequoia trees; hence, our roots
can no longer reach deep down, our branches no longer lift towards the sky of possibility -
reducing sequoia forests to toothpicks in order to pick from our teeth the bits of charred flesh of
those slaughtered in its imperial wars.

Me and you and a dog named boo

Who let the dogs out who who who who who who who

Burn baby burn! - Disco inferno!

Go, go, go, go, go, go
Go, shorty
It's your birthday
We gon' party like it's your birthday
We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday

We used to call it plagiarism - now we call it the Lime Wire.

The empire has become a suburban pothead teenager, who, as the years have passed, has transformed
into a self-absorbed Starbuck's Latte-slurping, Prozac popping consumer zombie, afflicted by a
mindless appetite to devour the resources of the entire planet in the manner he devoured the food
from his mother's pantry when he had a bad case of the reefer munchies.

Through the ensuing decades, we've continued to deceive ourselves into believing the corruption
and embarrassments of the 1970's -- from the crimes of Watergate to the inane-ness of The Gong Show
(the American Idol of its time) -- had nothing to do with us. As a consequence, it comes down to
this: we didn't learn a damn thing during the 70s, therefore, we've condemned ourselves to relive

Yes, it is high time to strike the gong for Karl Rove and his pathetic, dancing, feces-flinging
pet monkey act that is presently stinking up the stage of The Gong Show of the American political

George Bush, "I vote you off the Island."

Dick Cheney, "You're fired."

But next, we should turn off the TV, log off the computer, walk to the
closest mirror, look ourselves in the eye, and repeat the phrase, "I am
not a crook."


T.H.E. . .A.N.N.O.U.N.C.M.E.N.T.S.

The new CD is being recorded as we speak!

New material and many of the unrecorded and most requested old ones too.

American Storyteller Vols 3 and 4

The thing is we need money to finish the project. Every day we are in
the studio is a day we are not out at you favorite coffee house shaking
a tip jar.

If you would like to contribute to the project we will put you in the
liner notes for $100 as an executive producer.


Also, you could help out by buying an advance copy.


Or by buying any of the stuff we have for sale including American
Storyteller the DVD

Or the newly acquired Prime CD catalogue 3 previously unavailable titles.


The west coast tour:

WE SOOO need gigs to get across the country; from DC to Tacoma, WW

Are you between here and there?

Interested in doing a house concert?

See dates below



It seems that very few are covering this story correctly. These days it
seems we listen to the news not so much to be informed but to be
affirmed. We have left news and right news. Both miss the mark. The left
LOVES a story of protest that wins and in its fervor to find one it
really missed the mark here. Please see CLICK HERE

for a letter written from Galludet faculty to Democracy NOW!


My video:

"Somethngs in the Air but it is not on the Air Waves" made Neil Young's
top ten list of best anti war videos. Upon reaching its highest mark at
# 10 it was pulled from YouTube. Then it falls in the rankings. Related?
maybe - maybe not. Maybe I am paranoid. Doesn't change the fact that they ARE out to get me.


Got a line on a cheap Vehicle? I really need one.


T.H.A.N.K. .Y.O.U.

Kimberly Simms, Atmo, Pat Barnes, Adam Broadski, Stu Bass, Wendy Corn,
Ada Hahn, Phil and Angie, KB and Brian, Russ Tarby, Dawn, Janell, Amanda, Shirley, Anne, Chris
Inserra. Katie Mae add your name here.


H.E.R.E.S. .D.A. .D.A.T.E.S.

Monday, November 6th, 2006
WestSide Cafe
1A W. 2nd Street

Friday, November 10th, 2006, 8:30PM
Greenbelt, MD
New Deal
113 Centerway

Saturday, November 11th, 2006, 7:30 pm
Laurel, MD
The Home of Charlie Bernhardt
11528 Tuscany Drive
301-604-8449 (home)

Sunday, November 12th, 2006, 8PM
Philadelphia, PA
Folk Factory Coffeehouse
6900 Stenton Avenue

Thursday, November 16th, 2006, 8 pm
Atlanta, GA

Chris Solo

Eye Drum
290 mlk jr. dr.

Friday, November 17th, 2006
Chris Solo

Columbus, GA

Howard Johnsons
6328 Old Post Ct

Saturday, November 18th, 2006
Chris Solo

Columbus, GA
Columbus Convention Center
801 Front Ave,

Sunday, November 26th, 2006, 8:00
Decatur, GA
Java Monkey
on Ponce de Leon


January 4 Cincinnati?

January 5 Louisville?

January 6 St Louis?

January 7 Kansas City?

January 8 Denver Boulder?

January 9-10 anywhere between Denver and Seattle?

Thursday January 11

Any one in N CA?


Southern Washington want this date?

Friday, January 12th, 2007, 8pm
Northern Pacific Coffee Company
401 Garfield Street South

Saturday, January 13th, 2007, 9:00 PM
Port Townsend
823 Water

Sunday, January 14th, 2007, 7:30 PM
Seattle, wa
Paul Trebach's Home / A house concert
6755 27th ave NW

Monday, January 15th, 2007
Victoria, BC
Solstice Caf�


For info

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007
Vancouver, BC
RIME for more info

Thursday, January 18th, 2007
Olympia, WA

Harry Levine presents
TBA for info

Friday, January 19th, 2007
Portland, OR

Saturday, January 20th, 2007
Eugene, Or
Sam Bond's Garage
407 Blair

Sunday, January 21st, 2007
Bandon, OR

House Concert at
The Home of Janet Bates for info

We need dates in southern Or and Northern CA

Ashland � you out there?



Thursday, January 25th, 2007, tba
Nevada City
Cooper's Saloon
235 Commercial St.
(530) 265-011

Friday, January 26th, 2007
Redwood, CA
TBA for info:

Saturday, January 27th, 2007
San Francisco, CA
The Beat Museum
540 Broadway (at Columbus)

Sunday, January 28th, 2007, 11:00 AM
Radio interview at KPIG!

Sunday January 29, 2007, 8 PM

Berkeley, CAHouse Concert at

The home of Hali Hammer.


Monday, January 29th, 2007, 8pm
Downtown Felton, CA
Don Quixote's International Music Hall
6275 Highway 9

NOW we are looking for dates from Los Angeles to New Orleans

Phoenix? Prescott? Tucson? Los Cruces?

El Paso? San Antonio?

Austin? Houston? Dallas? South Padre Island?

Baton Rouge? New Orleans?

Friday, February 16th, 2007
Deadwood Mardi Gras

Saturday, February 17th, 2007
Deadwood Mardi Gras

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
New Orleans, LA
Mardi Gras
From the Bywater to the Quarters

Wednesday, February 21st, 2007, Feb 21-25
Memphis , TN
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